47...48...49...

Tonight a good friend of mine will celebrate her 50th birthday. Something like this will always get me thinking about aging, and how fast time goes, and about things I still want to do. Especially, I realize, "Hey, wait a minute! I was just 30! When did I get to be 47, and how come my contemporaries are my age too? I still feel like 30." OK, maybe I don't feel quite 30 anymore. I weigh a few more pounds, I have a few more aches and pains, and I can't stay out until 2 drinking anymore. What about that cover band I've always said I would form, or how I would audition for a play again when I had time? Within the last couple of years I've told myself I would do something big, anything, when I turn 50. Why wait? I could get hit by a bus tomorrow.

It's true, I could and maybe should do my big thing today. My father died at 52, so there's a reason not to wait. However, there are also big reasons to wait, and I think it mostly has to do with not being selfish. My family is REALLY active right now. My kids are in 9th and 10th grade, and they are in constant need of transportation and other things that require my attention. I play in a praise band at church and a healing service once a month, and other ad hoc bands, and I sing in the choir. All those activities fulfill me in many ways...I'm serving God and my church, and I'm playing music, which I love. I'm also starting to feel the impending loss when the kids will go away, and trying to hold onto them as much as possible. I'm also taking classes at VCU.

In three years, the kids will be gone or going (and driving), I won't be taking classes any more, and I'm thinking I might be ready to change what I'm doing at church. Auditioning for a show or forming a band might be just the ticket at that point in my life.

What about my spouse, you may ask? I've been talking about this off and on, so she knows it's coming. My hope is that we will be able to negotiate the time issue so that I'm spending enough time with her in our emptying nest and yet still be able to satisfy my desire for doing a new performing gig of some kind. Stay tuned.