Progress Report

Here's where I am today:

I've sent 19 applications out.

15 of them are still active.

I've had 3 interviews. I have a telephone interview today, with a company that does software and services for medical practices. It's a training job, which probably doesn't pay enough.

I've had 1 offer, which I declined. Too big a pay cut, too far away.

It's funny, I'm not hearing from the jobs I'm more excited about, only the ones in which I'm slightly less interested. I made some yesterday, to check status on a few. One told me that they were readvertising with a slightly revised description, and that I did not need to reapply. That *could* mean that they just want a bigger pool, and that I'm one of the pool, or it could mean they've tossed my application.

Much of the time I'm very optimistic and positive about all of this. Some days, like today, I'm depressed. Several different factors affect my general mood. If there is some activity on the job front(new applications, calls from potential jobs, etc.), I'm more likely to be upbeat. Hm. Funny thing. However, regardless of the happenings in that arena, there are days when I can't stave off the fear that October 1 will roll around and I'll be unemployed. That fear can be almost paralyzing. Since I found out about this we've tried to take steps and gather funds to keep us afloat if I don't find a job, and we've done OK, but there's not enough there to last very long.

I discovered something else yesterday that affects me strongly, which was somewhat of a surprise. In staff meeting, Paula started giving an update on things she was doing with the online course program, which is something I built and have run for a long time. I didn't know anything about these actions she had taken, and when she started talking about it I literally felt sick to my stomach. I sent her a note after saying I wasn't sure how many more staff meetings I would be attending. She hasn't responded. There's no real need for her to respond, I guess, though it would be nice if she would express some concern, or even interest.

Anyway, I try very hard to remain positive about the whole thing. I do believe it's an opportunity, a chance for me to move into something cool. I'm doing what I can to keep things moving, and I'm trying to put the rest in God's hands.

I didn't plan on this post being quite so introspective, but I also didn't compose it in advance and edit it, like I do sometimes. This one was supposed to be a brief progress report and turned into more of a stream of consciousness thing. Thanks for being patient.

Fret factor: Moderate to High