Boo!

Being in my situation is kind of a roller coaster ride of emotion. I am by turns elated, optimistic, depressed, frightened...you get the picture. Mostly, I try really hard to cultivate a positive attitude about the whole thing, and to project that to the people around me. There’s definitely been an emotional and mental process to this, which I will write about another time.

An interesting challenge I’ve been faced with is a simple one, and a bit surprising: going to my office.

Gradually, I’ve become a ghost. I shouldn’t be surprised, really, and I’m sure that many people in similar situations face this. In fact, I experienced it myself when I left Arthur Andersen in 1994. It goes like this:

I don’t get any more memos, emails, or other communications. I’m not invited to meetings, either formal or the in-the-hall variety. Not only am I not invited, but I don’t know about them until after they happen. Consequently, I’ve become completely out of the loop in an amazingly short time.

My co-workers stop in to ask me how things are going with my search, which is very nice, but they don’t hang around and talk to me about work items, because …well, what’s the point? They are being very nice to me, and that’s wonderful.

They’re all concerned about whether they will get grant funding for the next five years, whereas I’ve gone beyond that.

My boss and I haven’t had a conversation beyond “Hi” in weeks, though we have exchanged some emails.

So because of all this, it feels really weird for me to be at work.

I should mention that since I have a ton of vacation time to use or lose by the end of September, I’ve only been in the office two or three days a week. I’ve no doubt that my absence has contributed to my ghostly status.

Am I upset about this? Not at all. I can see it’s a logical consequence of my status. At the same time, it just feels weird. I mean, I’ve been working there for 13 years, and suddenly I’m a nonentity.

I have four weeks left.

Fret factor: Mild

Labor Day factor: Sitting on the screen porch drinking a cup of tea

Tea factor: Irish Breakfast